A Week In The Life Of Anderson
by AstrophobicChick
Summary: Anderson's diary basically. Warning: May lower your IQ. Read at your own risk ; I am not responsible for any brain cells that may get killed whilst reading this.
1. Chapter 1

_Don't ask - I was at work and had this crazy idea to do a week in the life of Anderson. So I did, hehe. Anyway it's meant to be in diary format because we all know Anderson has his own diary and writes in it frequently. _

_Disclaimer: I do not own Sherlock. I really wish I did, but I don't :(_

_Warnings: Mainly language - some slight swear words, oh and your IQ might get lowered, but don't blame me! _

_Enjoy._

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**Anderson's Diary - If this diary falls into the wrong hands, please return it. If Freak gets hold of this - I WILL KILL YOU - That is all.**

Monday - 25th May - 2011.

6am - I wake up, change out of my dinosaur pyjamas (A present - from me, to me) and go style my lego hair (I didn't name it that, just to let you know. Freak did one day and now it's caught on around Scotland Yard, Grr.) Anyway, I style my - amazing lego hair - and go down to breakfast.

7am - Yes it did take me an hour to do my hair. No I'm not a girl. I need to keep Sally interested, you see, and I'm starting to get suspicious about her - and a certain DI Dimmock. She doesn't seem to be able to take her eyes off of him - and I can't work out why. I mean he's younger (and therefore less experienced, if you catch my drift ;)) and not nearly as handsome as I am. Hmmm.

7:15am - After daydreaming about Sally for the past fifteen minutes, I finally put my spaghetti dinosaurs in the microwave (DON'T JUDGE ME) and wait for them to heat up. My mind goes to Freak, and how I haven't seen him for a while. Maybe it's my lucky day.

7:17am- My dinosaurs are done! I pour them over some toast and head for the sofa. I start to name each species of dinosaur and feel proud at my knowledge of these things. I bet freak doesn't know the different dinosaurs. HA.

8am- I spent far too long naming dinosaurs and I'm now stupidly late for work. Ugh, to make matters worse the tube is delayed for some reason, so I'm stood surrounded by other idiots while I wait. One looks like freak and I quickly dive behind a pillar before realising it's actually a woman (Shush).

9:15am- I arrive at work fifteen minutes late, and quickly run to my desk. I see Lestrade heading in my direction looking pissed off. I'll update later.

1:30pm- On lunch and in a very (VERY) bad mood. Want to guess why? He's tall, thin and extremely annoying. Yes you guessed it, SHERLOCK. Confused? Let me explain. Lestrade came in to see me, and told me off for not getting anywhere with the case (like that's _my _fault!) and then said he was bringing Sherlock in (Grrrrr). We have to go and meet him at the crime scene later.

7pm- Sherlock's just arrived on the crime scene and is now saying something to Sally. I quickly make my way over (to stand up for her) and hear parts of the conversation. Apparently Sally stayed somewhere last night and scrubbed some floors. Well, that's news to me because she wasn't at my place! I was ill last night and so spent the entire night next to the loo puking up. So who's floor was she cleaning? She's now looking slightly shifty and oddly flushed - maybe she's coming down with a fever.. Hmm.

7:15pm- Sherlock just shut the door in my face. _How rude! _I was only offering him some advice about the case and he goes and does that! Lestrade didn't even stop him. I go outside and notice Sally texting someone - I ask her who it is - and she tells me to keep my big nose out :((

8pm- Sherlock's run off, leaving his boyfriend behind. In my anger I push past him, eager to impress Lestrade again. He gives me a look, but I don't care. He can't even walk properly! Pahh.

9pm - Lestrade gives up. He says there is no point now that Sherlock has left. He and Sally leave in his flash BMW leaving me to clear up the equipment as usual. I was going to ask the other officers to help but they all seemed to have vanished into thin air, leaving just me. :(

11pm- Finally get home. What a day! Actually it's pretty much my usual day, but still, Sherlock HAS to ruin it for me! I just want to get into bed with Rufus (my plushie dinosaur, DON'T JUDGE ME) and go to sleep dreaming of Sally - or dinosaurs - whichever is fine by me.

11:30pm- Going to sleep now diary, will write again tomorrow. Anderson signing out.

11:32pm- Maybe I should just check to see if Sally's alright. I'll give her a quick text.

11:33pm- Shit! Sent it to the wife! Arrrghh. Anderson signing out, again.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews :) I don't really know what I'm on writing this, but it sure is fun (not sure what that says about me) anywaaay, Enjoy.

Warnings: Language. Mentions of sex.

Disclaimer: Do not own Sherlock

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**Day two**

Tuesday 26th May 2011.

9am- Got into work on time today, thank god. Also, I'm only doing a half day (Yay) - purely because I need to rush out after lunch and buy some flowers (The wife is coming back and she may/may not want to kill me so I am not taking any chances). I don't know what flowers to get her but - Oh shit, Freak's spotted me. Now he's coming over .. oh shit oh shit.. Catch you later.

**This is Sherlock Holmes writing in Low IQ Anderson's Diary. - I am so great, so amazing - Yuhuh.**

**OH John's my BOYFRIEND, is he? Why don't you say that to my face, Lego head? That's right you can't because you're a pu -**

I got it back - Phew. Sorry about that, diary - I did tell you that he was a freak, didn't I?

He's laughing at me now! God, I hate my life.

1pm- Finally got away from Scotland Yard - I don't know why I even work there, no one appreciates me (Sniffs)

On the plus side, I had a really cool dream last night - it included me, in a time machine, going back to see - you guessed it - DINOSAURS. I only woke up because one looked like Sherlock and tried to bite my head off (HE EVEN RUINS MY DREAMS)

After I buy some flowers I'm going to visit Sally - I haven't seen her for a while. I did text her this morning but she never replied :( She's also been avoiding me at work - I really don't know what I've done wrong.

2pm- I brought the wife some white lilies - I don't know why but they seemed appropriate. Hmmm. Maybe it's fate or something? I can't remember what white lilies stand for, is it love? My brain hurts trying to think.

2:30pm- Back at Scotland Yard and guess who I just bumped into? Freak's Boyfriend. He's ranting at me about looking where I'm going, but I can't help it, I have a huge bouquet of flowers in front of my face! I tell him all of this by the way (Cause I'm a man, you see, and I'm not scared of some poxy hedgehog Doctor) and he responds by saying I'm doing everyone a favour by hiding behind them (Humph)

3pm- I finally find Sally talking to Dimmock (again!) and make my way over. She looks up and her face drops (I really do think she has a fever) before making some sort of excuse and running away... leaving me with Dimmock.

Freak walks past saying something about Dumb and Dumber - What even is that? - With his boyfriend in tow. Oh no, he's changed direction and -

**Sherlock again - Anderson, are you really that stupid? SALLY'S SHAGGING DIMMOCK.**

**Christ.. and why do you have white lillies? You know people take them to a funeral? Unless you're predicting your own death, in which case, carry on.**

**John, read the stuff this guy writes - it's hilarious.**

_Sherlock - give it back - He's looking at you as though he's about to murder you._

_Wait - what does that say - poxy Hedgehog Doctor? Oh this is warrrrrr_

_Anderson, your wife isn't going away on - Business trips - she's off screwing your old best friend (you had friends?)_

Finally have it back again - God they've ruined it. No worries I'll just tipex it out.. I don't believe a word they're saying anyway, we all know they're just jealous.

4pm- Lestrade comes into my office and tells me off for annoying Freak and his pet - Excuse me? - I would show him this diary - but I don't want him to read about Sally and the wife. To cheer myself up I'm going to the Dinosaur museum later.

6pm- Arrived at the Museum - OMG IT'S SO COOL - I mean, LOOK, There's so many dinosaurs here. I could seriously live in this place! The illaysaurus can grow to 20 foot tall! It could eat freak (Daydreams for a while) anyway If I had a pet dinosaur no one would mess with me!

6:20pm- I got chucked out of the museum for trying to sit on the back of a T-rex. I just wanted to see how cool I would look on it :( and maybe try and lasso a few people.. -Sigh- No one ever lets me have any fun.

7pm- Walking home now. I can see a couple snogging in the corner - My curiousity is getting the better of me - I slowly make my way over .. OMG OMG OMG.. It's Freak and his pet.. Ewwwww... My eyes.. Oh god, I'll never get that image out of my head.. Ughhh.. I didn't even know Freak could kiss like _that_.. Shit, I think I was talking out loud.. they've stopped kissing and are now glaring at me.. RUN.

9pm- Made it home safely. Had to go the long way back incase Freak followed me home (has done it before). Think I'll go to bed, I've had a rough day. Goodnight, diary. Anderson signing off.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/n: I do apologise for taking so long with this. I did not like the chapter and kept changing it, I'm still not 100% but oh well :). **

**Thanks for all the reviews, alerts, fave's - You are all awesome.**

**Warnings: Language.**

**Enjoy.**

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**Day Three**

10am- Hi, it's me.. I have a new diary. Freak defaced my other one too much and made it all messy which just set my OCD off, so I bought another one. On the plus side, this one has a picture of a dinosaur on the front - well it's actually a dragon, but I tipexed the wings off - so now it's a dinosaur. I drew a little speech bubble by the dinosaur/dragon's mouth and wrote "Anderson Is Awesome" hehe.

So anyway, it's the annual dance at work tonight and I'm feeling slightly nervous. _Why am I nervous, you say? _Well, it's because the wife is coming along. Which is - great. She did read the text and now she's going to be keeping a close eye on me, and has therefore invited herself to the dance.

Now, I'm not ashamed of her, but she does pull me down a bit - and how can I show off my amazing stud skills with her around? I was also planning on wooing Sally tonight but I guess that's not going to happen now (stamps foot in anger) I might have to buy some Chloroform (Just in case) and stash it in my pocket.

11am- I'm sat behind my desk, on Twitter. Now don't laugh but - I only have one follower. Myself. Yes, I made another account and followed myself but still.. _Why does no one want to follow me? _Maybe they're intimidated by my amazing looks. So anyway, I found Sally and was going to follow her when I saw some - intimate - photo's of her and someone else. His face was out of the picture but I'm pretty sure it wasn't me - I certainly can not bend my body like _that._

I also found Lestrade on Twitter, flirting with Freak's brother. Now I'm not against gays but - the thought of Lestrade getting with anyone - let alone a man - freaks me out. I mean he's _old and past it _and ugh.

11:30am- Freak comes into my office, alone. I feel slightly scared, as I'm unarmed and all by myself - but instead of pouncing on me (not in that way, gross) he talks to me. _He's actually speaking to me! _

12pm-Freak has just left. This is how the conversation went:

Freak: You coming to the dance tonight, leg-Anderson?

Me: Of course, I go every year.

Freak: Good, you are aware it's fancy dress, aren't you?

Me: No.. is it?

Freak: Yes, so don't forget.

Me: What are you going as?

Freak: A pirate, and John is going as The Doctor.

And with that, he left. So me being me didn't believe him and wanted to get it verified by Lestrade. I have a good reason to not believe freak, because last year he told me it was a nude party - and well, it wasn't. So anyways, I go and see Lestrade, who confirms it for me, it really is fancy dress! How cool. Now what to go as..

I know what you're all thinking: _I bet he'll go as a dinosaur. _Well no, I won't. I'M NOT OBSESSED WITH DINOSAURS. Humph. And then, I had a brilliant idea; I'll just go as myself! That's sexy, isn't it?

8pm- This party sucks. I'm stood near the bar, with a mojito in hand, and I'm watching a certain curly haired freak. Now, I'm not watching him in the _oh he's so sexy, I just want to bang that_ way, I'll leave that to John. No, I'm watching him in the _How the fuck does he have all those woman around him _way. Seriously, he has that Irene woman there, drooling at him, her maid, Mrs Hudson (not sure why she's even here) and some people from Scotland Yard all stood around him trying to get a touch. Even his hedgehog boyfriend looks pissed.

The wife isn't here yet (I may have given her the wrong address, hehe I'm so badass) so I can look at whoever I want. I don't know where Sally is, or if she's even coming. I probably should have checked that but she's still avoiding me (Like I need her anyway!)

Ten drinks later and I'm feeling pretty woozy - which is great, because everyone looks so much more attractive now - even freak over there with his tight trousers on. So I stumble over and push the other women and hedgehog boy out of the way - leaving just me and Sherlock. Sherlock is now glaring at me - asking me why I'm not dressed up, and all I do is stare at his lips - and then - I kissed him.

It... didn't go well - he shoved me back and I landed on Mrs Hudson (Who is now at hospital with a broken leg and arm) then Hedgehog grabbed me and threw me against the bar before telling me to lay off his boyfriend - he actually said best friend - but boyfriend suits more. I may/may not have giggled at him because the next thing I know - he _punched_ me.

9pm- The wife arrived and dragged me out of the place. My nose feels broken and there's blood _everywhere. _She pushed me into the car, told me that I deserved it, and then drove us back home.

10pm- Home now. I'm sleeping on the couch -Sigh- Life is so unfair, and I think I'm going to have a massive hangover tomorrow. Oh well, still got the chloroform (Giggles)


	4. Chapter 4

**A/n: I cannot believe all the reviews I got for that last chapter - you are all as weird as I am. :) That's a good thing by the way. Hehe.**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own Sherlock.**

**I slipped Mystrade and Johnlock into this chapter.. **

**Enjoy. **

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**Day four.**

7am- Wake up to find myself on the floor, which is funny cause I could of sworn I was on the couch last night. The bottle of Chloroform is half gone.. What the hell happened? I also have a massive hang- Oh shit.. I kissed freak last night .. INFRONT OF EVERYONE. Jesus.. I'm screwed and why is there blood everywhere? Oh that's right.. his boyfriend punched me in the face.

8am- The wife is still asleep (In my bed!) so I'm sneaking out of the house.. For extra measure, I steal her car (Yes I can drive - I passed on my 6th time, alright?) and drive to work. It took a while (mainly because I forgot where Scotland Yard was) but finally I arrive with time to spare.

8:45am- I make my way to Greg's office and notice that the blinds are down. Thinking that he may not be in yet, I open the door and strut in - before running out again - hands over my eyes. He _was _in - and so was freaks brother - and they were both... well.. they were both.. Oh god, my poor head. Eww. Ew.

I run down the corridor, glancing back now and again to make sure they're not following me, and then crash into freak. The force of it knocks me back and I slip down the wall onto my ass. Freak and his boyfriend are laughing at me, whilst holding hands. Ugh.. what is it with people today? I stand up straight, trying and failing, to be taller than freak (Least I'm taller than hedgehog boy) and glare at him.

He raises his eyebrows at me and then shoves past, boyfriend following close behind. I have a feeling all four of them are going to have a gang bang in Lestrades' office. Ew. I carry on down the corridor and then spy Sally in one corner - with Dimmock.

Even those two are snogging - and that's when I pass out.

10am ish- I come round and see everyone (and I mean _everyone) _stood around me, all looking suspiciously innocent. Sherlock seems to be smiling, his blue eyes sparkling stupidly bright. They should be against the law or something - it's not fair that he has such nice eyes. He notices me looking and his mouth twitches slightly - Great, he probably thinks I fancy him now.. I don't, do I?

Greg shoo's them all away and leans down beside me - He smells funny and I cannot work out _why -_ hmmm. Anyway, he tells me to take the day off. I think he secretly wants me out of the way - but I go anyway. I could probably do with a break.

11am- I arrive at home, and notice my wife packing a suitcase. I ask her if she's leaving and she says - no. Apparently I am though..

11:30am- I'm traipsing around London, suitcase in tow. Don't have a clue where I am going - only that I need to find a place to stay. It starts to rain (which doesn't surprise me) and my visibility gets low. My suit gets soaked and I can feel the rain dripping down my neck.. Brilliant.. absolutely brilliant. I look down at the pavement and bump into someone - again. This time it's the older freak. He looks as surprised as me, and then his eyes fall on the suitcase and everything slots into place.

A sleek black car pulls alongside us - and the older freak tells me to get in - I ignore him and try to push past, which doesn't work well. He grabs my arm and pushes me into the car. Greg's already sat inside waiting - which is slightly odd - I hope they don't start snogging with me in the middle.

Greg: Wife kicked you out?

Me: Yeah..

Greg: Come stay with us. Mycroft won't mind, will you, My? (My? _My?)_

Mycroft: Of course not, there's enough room for all of us.

Me: Are you sure?

Mycroft: Absolutely.

And then the car drives away and I feel really awkward sat between them. Mycroft has the same weird smell that Greg has, but I don't ask. The car is warm and I can feel myself drying off slightly.

1pm- We arrive at Mycroft's um.. house. This place is seriously.. amazing. It's a huge, white Manor with at least 30 bedrooms and what looks like a wooded area behind. Greg smiles at me and walks past - I follow slowly.. slightly jealous that he lives here all the time. They show me to my room and wander off, hand in hand.

1:30pm- I change my clothes and then go down to find them - I manage to get lost several times - before hearing music. The door's shut and I knock gently before making my way inside. I freeze in place at the sight before me. Both Greg and Mycroft are sat on the sofa, listening to music. Greg is practically draped over Mycroft's lap, with his head on the older Holmes' chest.

I try and sneak back out but they hear and look in my direction. Mycroft calls me over and Greg moves to one side so that I can sit in the middle.

3pm- _This is really awkward_... They have both fallen asleep. Each with their head on my shoulder and I'm sat here in the middle like a lemon. I can't even move without them waking up and I _really_ need the loo.

5pm- I can't stand it anymore.. I just had to move. They did wake up, but oh well, I was already out of the room before they noticed. I decide to stay in my room all evening and pretend I'm sleeping.

11pm- Woke up to find Greg staring at me in the dark - slightly creepy. He asked if I was ok, and if I needed anything. I stared at him before shaking my head and he walked off without saying a word. Weirdo. Anyway, Night.


	5. Chapter 5

A/n: Again, apologies for late update. Something personal happened which made me forget all about writing, but it's ok now.

Half of this is in diary format and half isn't. I wanted a change.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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**Day Five.**

6am- Woke up early due to hearing some strange ass noises. Being the fearless man that I am, I get up, put on some clothes and go to investigate. It is still dark in the Manor so I have to walk slowly and make sure I don't trip over some expensive rug or something. I spot a light in the distance and make my way towards it.

6:15am- Pushing open the door, I can see that I'm in another kitchen area (how many kitchens does he want?) and spot Greg and Mycroft in the corner doing something... I can smell food now so I walk over. Pancakes! They're cooking pancakes.. at 6am.. what the hell..

"Anderson, stop writing in that bloody diary of yours," Greg muttered, turning to look in Anderson's direction. Mycroft smiled slightly but didn't move.

"I always write in my diary, keeps me sane," Anderson huffed, closing the book and glaring at Greg.

"Yeah well, it's weird. You're in love with that thing, and what the fuck is on the front?"

"Dinosaur."

Mycroft laughed quietly, before turning it into a cough when Anderson glared at him. "I'm sorry," he smiled, "but you are slightly obsessed with them."

"Hope you haven't forgot about the trip today," Greg said quickly, shooting a warning look at Anderson, who was now looking rather pissed off.

"What trip?"

Greg rolled his eyes, "We're going to the beach.. Me, Mycroft, you, Sherlock, John and Donovan."

"What? When was this decided?"

"Yesterday."

Anderson stared at him, "I wasn't in work yesterday."

"Well, you're still coming along. The whole team is."

"Mycroft isn't part of the team."

"Yeah, well, I invited him," Greg shrugged, turning his back on Anderson again. He flipped the pancake and mock bowed when Mycroft starting clapping.

"Perfect."

"I know I am," Greg grinned.

Anderson rolled his eyes and left.

7am- I have to go to the beach with freak. FREAK. He'll probably try and bury me alive or something, and I don't know about you but I don't want to see him half naked. This day is going to be a nightmare just you wait and see..

9am- Waiting at Scotland Yard for Mycroft's fancy seven seater. I swear Greg's only dating him for his toys. Hell, I'd even screw him just to get a piece of this life. John keeps winking at me and I don't know why.. starting to creep me out a little.. Sally's on the phone to someone.. and Sherlock's staring into space as usual, looking bored.

It's boiling today and I'm just about to undo my suit when I catch John's eye. He grins at me, before winking and looking the other way quickly. Think I'll leave my suit done up...

9:15am- Finally on the way to the beach. I think we're going to the Jurassic Coast which will be pretty awesome, I admit. Imagine if I found a whole dinosaur skeleton (squeal).. The only down side is the journey times.. it takes about 3 hours to get there and I'm slowly going insane.. We did play eye spy but Sherlock guessed them all in the first go and took the fun out of it..

12:30pm- We're here! And it's even hotter.. Greg has taken all of his clothes off (Apart from the shorts) and is looking pretty fine if I do say so myself (did I just say that?) Oh no, Mycroft's caught me looking...

12:45pm- This beach sucks.. there's only a small bit of sand, and a load of rocks. Sherlock tells me to shut up and go find some fossils - so I do. Just when I'm picking up this heavy looking rock something small runs out and up my arm. I think I just got everybody's attention with my screaming.. but still.. it _was _scary. John's watching me again and I quickly move to the other end of the beach..

"Anderson?"

Anderson slammed the book shut and spun round. John was stood behind him, smiling slightly.

"What do you want? Why are you here?"

John walked up to him, "Just wanted to check that you're ok. You seem a bit out of place."

"I - err - I'm fine. You can go now.."

John looked slightly hurt, "Look, I know we don't get on and that I punched you the other day but - can we at least be civil? I'll help you find fossils."

"Won't your boyfriend miss you?"

"Sherlock's off bugging Mycroft and Lestrade.. so no, he won't."

Anderson nodded, "Alright then."

They headed off towards some rocks, John bending over now and again to pick up something. He chucked something at Anderson, who only just managed to catch it, and then continued to look.

"Why do you keep winking at me?" Anderson muttered, turning the rock over in his hands. It had a slight indent into it as well as curly ridges, hardly a dinosaur but still a pretty cool find.

John stood up and turned to face him, "Sherlock's idea. Wanted to make you feel paranoid - I don't know why I go along with it.. Well I do, he threatened to withhold sex.. hey! don't look _that _disgusted."

"Is that why you're here now? On Sherlock's orders?" Anderson said pouting.

"No.. I just.. you don't deserve all this hate, and I guess I felt bad. I also needed to get away from Sherlock," John smiled.

A loud splash caused them to jump and they turned to see Mycroft in the sea, looking furious. Sherlock was stood on the shore laughing at him, and Greg was shouting something.

"Shit, what's he done now?" John sighed, turning towards the group.

"I think Sherlock just pushed Mycroft in the sea," Anderson mused, pocketing the rock and following John back across the beach.

3pm- Freak pushed his brother into the sea. I don't what it was about - something to do with John being blind and having a lower IQ than me or something - but whatever it was, it pissed off freak (which made me secretly happy) and caused him to lash out at his brother.

6pm- Heading back to London now. Mycroft called someone and they brought him down a fresh suit, so he's slightly happier. He still won't look at Sherlock though (who can really blame him?). Sally's asleep - I don't actually know what she did all day because I never saw her on the beach. Sherlock and John are sat (lying) on the back seat, cuddling each other. Greg's driving and I'm sat staring out of the window.

In a weird way I actually enjoyed today - it was nice to get away from everything.

8pm- Back at Mycroft's Manor. I need to go flat searching tomorrow (even though I am slowly getting used to living in a place like this). I head up to my room, pull out my fossil and place it on the bedside table, before climbing into bed.

Maybe today wasn't a complete nightmare.


	6. Chapter 6

A/n: Okay, I'm bored so I'll do another chapter. Someone wanted more dinosaurs so.. who am I to refuse? This is going to be a dinosaur filled chapter.. and half of it won't even make sense..

Scrap that.. none of it will make sense :P

Disclaimer: I do not own Sherlock.

Enjoy.

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Day six.

9:30am - My day off today so I'm going to go look at flats. On my way to the estate agents I pass a park filled with screaming children and quicken the pace, before spotting something on the ground.

It's small and purple and I bend down to see what it is.. A plushie.. or to be more precise, a plushie dinosaur! I look at the slightly chewed label and see that it's called "Barney".

I'm just about to pocket Barney when a small kid runs up to me and holds his hand out..

11am- I just got punched again.. This is how it happened..

Me: What do you want?

Annoying kid: Give me ma dinosawr baccck.

Me: Uh, no. This is mine now - Finders keepers and all that.

Annoying kid: IT'S MINE. (Starts to cry)

Annoying kid's mum: Give my son his toy back, weirdo.

Me: It's MY toy now.. Leave me alone.

(I try and push past her)

Annoying kid's mum: It's my sons.. Give it back.. or else..

(I stop walking and glare at her)

Me: Or else what?

And then I got punched...

So erm.. Yeah... Didn't even get to keep the dinosaur.. BUT.. and this is a big but... it gave me an awesome idea..

12pm- Currently at a flat in North London. I think this is the one... The walls are bare (perfect) the floors are bare (perfect) and the landlady said I could decorate it how I wanted (excellent)

1pm- I sign the contract and get handed the keys. Now I'm off to do some shopping.. First call is B&Q and I run straight to the wallpaper department.. A quick glance around and I find what I'm looking for.. Dinosaur wallpaper.. Little red, white and blue dinosaurs all marching in one direction.. Brilliant.. I pick up a few rolls (I might do the whole flat) and then start to leave when I notice something else..

A dinosaur lamp (in the shape of a T-rex) and Dinosaur bed covers..

I struggle to put the wallpaper under one arm and then grab both the lamp and the covers before walking towards the door again.. Something else catches my eye.. _little glow in the dark dinosaurs.. _and I pick up around 10 packets of them..

Now struggling under all this awesome stuff, I make my way to a checkout and drop it in front of an unimpressed looking woman. She's like half my age but twice my width (if you get what I mean) and I look at her smugly before pulling out my wallet..

Frog lady: For your kid?

Me: Sorry?

Frog lady: This stuff.. is it for your kid.. does he like dinosaurs?

Me: No.. it's mine.

Frog lady: ...Yours?

Me: I like dinosaurs..

Frog lady: No shit, Sherlock.

Me: My name's Anderson.

I nearly got punched again.. but this time I ducked.. LIKE A NINJA. Anyway.. she finally put my stuff through and I dumped it into a trolley before walking out..

I should of brought my car.. Walking around London with a load of dinosaur stuff is embarrassing.. Either that or they're just jealous of my awesomeness(Not sure if that's an actual word, it is now).. I drop my stuff off at the flat before heading out again..

This time I go to London's biggest toy store.. I can barely contain my excitement as I spot a life size T rex in one corner.. I walk up to it, my mouth open and know straight away that I have to have it.. I _need_ it.. Looking at the price tag, I notice it's about £2,000 but I don't care... I can ride it and lasso people and I won't get chucked out..

I also buy: A dinosaur beanbag, 10 plushie dinosaurs, dinosaur cutlery, and a dinosaur shaped desk.

I give the store my address and leave with a smug grin on my face..

8pm- I'm at the flat with all my dinosaur stuff.. This is soooo cool.. Who needs love when you have this?

10pm- I'm curled up on my beanbag.. think I'll have an early night.. Anderson is awesome is signing off.


	7. Chapter 7

A/n: This is officially the last chapter, so I wanted to make it good. I'm going to do like a sequel sort of thing... So look out for that.

This chapter will be in two parts.

Disclaimer: I do not own Sherlock.

**Day Seven.**

7am - Today is the day that I get my revenge on everyone who's ever laughed at me (and that's _a lot _of people) My revenge is pretty intelligent and I'm really proud of myself for thinking it up. Basically, I'm going to film them doing stupid things and put it on my Youtube account, as well as sending it all around Scotland Yard.

First up: Gregory Lestrade.

Anderson snapped the diary shut and looked around the room. Good, no sign of Greg so far. He stuffed the diary into his pocket and made his towards a door.

**_Detective Inspector Gregory Lestrade _**

Checking again that the coast was clear, Anderson slipped inside Greg's office and made his way over to the desk. Doughnut boxes and other food wrappers lay on top of several sheets of what looked like Top Secret paperwork. Anderson grabbed a few pages and flicked through them before hearing the familiar tones of Greg's voice. He dropped the paperwork back down and crawled under the desk, his heart pounding.

He saw two sets of feet enter the office and wondered who the second person was. He was just about to crawl back out when the second person spoke up and he had to cover his mouth to stop himself laughing.

"Gregory, I wanted to see you _now, _not later."

What was Mycroft doing here? Anderson pulled out his phone and set it to video mode before peeking around the side of the desk. Mycroft and Greg were making out against the wall, both of them making some really disturbing noises. With a snort, Anderson pressed record and turned the camera towards the snogging pair.

After collecting enough evidence, he slowly and quietly crawled out from under the desk when -

"Anderson!"

He shot up, hitting his head against the underside of the desk and turned to see a very furious looking Greg. He stuffed the phone back into his pocket and put on what he hoped was "an innocent look" before carefully meeting Greg's eye contact.

"Oh hey, Greg. I um... lost my contact lense," He muttered, backing towards the door. Mycroft was watching him with a peculiar expression on his face.

Greg did notlook amused, "Under my desk? Why would your contact lense be under my desk?"

"That's what I want to know," Mycroft said, deadpan, "He doesn't scrub your floors, does he?"

Greg blushed, shooting a dirty look at Anderson, before saying, "No he bloody well does not!"

"As amusing as this is, I better get back to work," Anderson said quickly, turning and practically _running _out of the office.

He walked back to his own desk and sat down with a sigh, that was _too _close. Pulling open a drawer, he grabbed his USB lead and connected his phone to the PC. Within seconds the video was uploaded and, with a childish giggle, he sent it around Scotland Yard.

1pm - Phase one complete! Greg is going to murder me, but it's totally worth it. Phase two: Sherlock.

Anderson had to wait a few days to get back at Sherlock. He needed to go to Baker Street and could hardly do that alone without raising suspicion. So, he bided his time and waited. Eventually, they had a case that they couldn't solve on their own and thus needed Sherlock's help.

"I'll go and tell him," Anderson said, watching as Greg stared at something on the computer, his face slowly turning red. "Greg, are you okay?"

"I um, yeah. Just had a few joke emails, you know how it is." He quickly shut off the computer and turned to Anderson, his eyebrows raised, "Why do _you _want to go? You and Sherlock hate each other."

Anderson made a face, "I do, but you're so stressed at the moment... I just want to help." He hoped that he looked innocent and caring, but the small smirk was giving him away. He turned towards the window and carefully rearranged his face into a look of indifference.

"Fine," Greg sighed, taking a bite of doughnut, "I do need to catch up on this paperwork. Can you get him to come here now?"

"Sure," Anderson nodded, mock saluting Greg and walking towards the doors. Outside he hailed a cab and made his way made to 221B.

11pm - On my way to Baker Street. All I need to do is find some dirt on Freak and then spread it around. Surely he can't be _that _perfect.

He arrived at 221B half an hour later and knocked on the door. Mrs Hudson answered and smiled, "They're upstairs, dear. God knows what they're doing though, sounds like they're moving furniture!"

Shooing her off, Anderson made his way upstairs, pausing just outside the door. There _were _some funny noises coming from inside. Half 11 was pretty late to be moving stuff around. He turned the door knob slowly and nearly fainted at the sight before him.

Sherlock and John were... Well they were... Anderson had never seen Sherlock bent over like _that _before. This is _so _much more then what he was expecting to find... The look of shock on Sherlock's face was priceless. He pulled his phone out and snapped a few pictures before turning and running back down the stairs, ignoring Sherlock's calls for him to get his ass back inside.

The next day Anderson uploaded the pictures to his computer, before printing them off and tacking them around Scotland Yard. Sherlock's face was plastered _everywhere _and everytime Anderson saw a picture he couldn't help but let out a snort of laughter.

He saw Greg walk in and quickly ducked behind his desk. A moment later Sherlock arrived, following Greg into his office.

9:15am - I think I got away with it. Phew.

To be continued... ;)


	8. Chapter 8

A/n: Well here it is. The last chapter. I hope you enjoyed reading this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it! And please don't sue me. ;)

Disclaimer: I do not own Sherlock.

Warnings: Revenge, Nakedness.

* * *

"Right, is everyone here?"

"Lestrade, just get on with it, I have more important stuff to attend to," Sherlock muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Like what?" Greg said, frowning.

Well - John and I have brought a new bed, and we plan to er - _use _it tonight," Sherlock replied, somewhat smugly.

Greg shuddered, looking at his watch, "But it's only 9am."

"I'm aware of that, Lestrade, I said we would be using the _bed _tonight. We plan to use the floor, table, shower and sofa when we get back."

"Right. Thanks. Way too much information," He coughed hastily, his mind wandering; Was Sherlock _good _in bed? He was rather good looking, and so innocent. Or so he thought. He shook his head and carried on, "Anyway, we're here about Anderson."

"You called us in at 9am to talk about Anderson?" John said, his brow furrowed in a _very_ hedgehog like manner. Greg's mouth twitched in amusement and he quickly turned away, suddenly interested in the window blinds.

"Yes," He nodded, still studying the blinds, "We need to get revenge on him!"

"Childish, Lestrade." Sherlock drawled, now staring at his nails.

"Oh shut up, Sherly!" Greg huffed, picking up a marker and turning to the white board. "Now, I have an awesome plan."

"Lets hear this _awesome_ plan then!" John said, snuffling. _Snuffling? _

Greg opened his mouth to speak when -

"He's going to embarrass Anderson by getting him drunk and making him wear -" Sherlock broke off, laughing, "Really Lestrade? That's pretty clever actually."

"What what what?" John whined, bouncing up and down impatiently.

Greg walked over to the supply cupboard, leaned in and pulled out a large purple costume. He turned to the others and held it up, smirking.

"A dinosaur." Sherlock said, shaking his head slowly, a smile still lingering on his lips.

The door opened and Greg quickly hid the costume behind his back. Anderson stood in the doorway eyeing them all suspiciously.

"You called?" He said, looking at Greg.

Greg shuffled backwards towards the cupboard and casually chucked the costume inside. "Yeah erm - are you free tonight?"

Anderson folded his arms, his eyes narrowing, "Maybe. Why?"

"Me and the guys are going for a drink. Wanna come with us?" Greg asked, smiling sweetly.

Anderson gazed around the room, his eyes lingering on John and Sherlock, before turning back to Greg, "With these two? Really? I don't fancy being insulted all night."

"We won't insult you!" Sherlock said, whilst John nodded innocently, "In fact, lets call it a peace offering. New slate. What do you say?"

"Fine." And with that, he left.

"Phew, that was close. He was meant to come at half 9. Idiot," Greg said, sighing.

"Lestrade," Sherlock murmured, his face serious, "If you pull this off, I'll never insult you again."

* * *

Greg sat in the pub, his eyes anxiously scanning the door every few seconds. He was slightly early due to being nervous as hell. He ordered another beer and sipped it slowly, running tonight's plan over in his mind. Could he pull it off? Of course he could, he _was _Scotland Yard's best D.I after all.

"Greg!"

Anderson walked through the door and made his way over, causing Greg's stomach to lurch. Was he really going to do this? He almost felt guilty. Almost. His mind flicked back to the emails he received from other colleagues, laughing at him for the video that somehow viralled around Scotland Yard. A video of him and Mycroft snogging. No, Anderson was going to pay.

"Hey Buddy!" He said cheerfully, "What are you having?"

Anderson sat opposite him, "Just a cider please."

Greg nodded and got up, making his way over to the bar. He ordered Anderson's cider and then casually slipped in a green pill which fizzed and dissolved instantly. Grinning to himself, Greg walked back to the table and handed Anderson the drink.

"Here you go. Just waiting for Sherlock and John to arrive."

Anderson took a sip and shuddered, "Bitter."

Greg was saved from answering by his phone, which had just gone off. He pulled it out to find a text from Sherlock.

_Running late. Broke the bed._

_Did you give him the pill?_

_I got what you asked for._

_John says hi. See you in a bit._

_SH_

* * *

Twenty minutes later and Sherlock and John finally arrived, each of them looking slightly flustered. They both sat down and eyed Anderson in amusement.

"He's well out of it." John mused.

Well out of it was an understatement. Anderson was lying face down on the table, drooling heavily. His drink was half empty and he looked as though he would never move again.

"Your pill was a bit _too _powerful," Greg said, chuckling.

"It was only meant to make him sleepy, not knock him out. Ah well, he was a good guinea pig, I'll know for next time." Sherlock muttered, standing up.

"You said you'd already tested that pill!" Greg growled.

"Yeah, I lied. Come on, lets get this over with... I can't wait to see his face tomorrow morning."

Greg rolled his eyes and stood up. He grabbed Anderson and threw him over his shoulder, "So you got what I wanted?"

"Of course... Now hurry up!" Sherlock snapped, hailing a cab.

They all climbed in, John looking way too excited, and made their way to Scotland Yard.

"So," Greg whispered, "Who's going to do it?"

Both John and Sherlock turned to look at him.

"Me? Aw come on!"

"This was your idea, Lestrade, therefore you have the pleasure of undressing him," Sherlock said, staring out of the window.

"Fine!" Greg replied, pouting.

* * *

They reached Scotland Yard and Greg dragged Anderson out of the cab, not bothering to be gentle with him. He grabbed his arms and pulled him into the building, his eyes darting about incase someone tried to stop them. No one did.

Reaching the correct floor, Greg let go of Anderson's arms and leant against the doorframe, panting. Sherlock and John strutted in, John tripping over Anderson's body, and turned to face Greg.

"Quick, Lestrade, undress him."

Greg scowled and quickly pulled off Anderson's suit, making sure his eyes were looking _above _the waistline at all times.

"Wow, I see why his wife cheated on him," John chuckled.

"John!"

"John!"

"Sorry... Sorry..." John gave Sherlock an apologetic look and turned away.

Greg ran into his office, grabbed the costume and ran back out again, his eyes alit with glee. _This was going to be so good! _He dressed Anderson in the costume and stood back, admiring his work.

"Here." Sherlock said, holding out a black collar and lead.

Greg dragged Anderson over to a desk and put the collar around his neck before attaching the lead, "I need a picture of this!" He laughed, pulling out his phone, "There. We got revenge."

They all high fived each other and walked out of Scotland Yard.

* * *

Anderson woke up early the next morning to find all eyes on him.

"Any particular reason you're tied to my desk dressed like a dinosaur?" Donovan said, her eyebrow raised.

Anderson flushed and gazed around the room before catching Greg's eye.

"You bastard!" He mouthed.

Greg winked at him and walked away, laughing hysterically.


End file.
